A trawl through the recently published potential energy policies of the major parties certainly covers a wide spectrum of views.

It ranges from the Hans Christian Andersen approach, likely 100% wishful thinking, which would bankrupt the country even more swiftly to the other extreme of cancelling anything which represents a cost to the consumer in a vain attempt to reduce energy prices and causing much consequential damage in doing so.

A tongue-in cheek critique can raise some mischievous questions around some of the more vivid debates which helped mould the respective party offerings.

The Conservative Party

Indeed, what did David Cameron actually mean when he talked of “getting rid of all the green cr*p”?

Was he:
Referring to the political party with a capital G?
Not wishing to eat his veg in future?
Suggesting building over what’s left of our green space?
Becoming an advocate of anaerobic digestion to process green waste?
Removing all financial incentives from renewable generation and other green measures?

He certainly made the headlines and has now swapped his huskies and sled for a Ford Mustang…

The Labour Party

Then there’s Mr Milliband with vast experience of energy from his time as Energy Secretary. How has he managed to maintain the promise of freezing energy prices till 2017? Probably still thinks it’s a great idea as the energy supply companies have already done it, ensuring he’ll at least deliver one of his pledges.

He’d provoke massive net emigration resulting from his punitive taxation policies – thus saving lots of energy. Last one out turn off the lights please…

The Liberal Democrats

The Lib Dems, as they always have, will pinch a bit of everyone else’s imaginative and forward looking thinking – and claim it as their own. Aside from the SNP, they are in dreamland again believing they could be the minute party which holds the magical balance of power. If the polls are to be believed, they may fall to zero and the dream will, as it has been on every other occasion bar-one, be shattered.

The Green Party

The Greens, from fortress Brighton, have extreme plans which include using every minute of every day to spray taxpayers’ cash into “green” measures at a breakneck speed – caring more for their tree-hugging and open-toed-sandal measures than the taxpayers who would fund their grandiose plans.

Perhaps every person living in the UK should be fitted with a wireless energy meter, a bit like a Fitbit, and be made to include their consumption readings with their tax returns for additional subsequent taxation.

UK Independence Party

UKIP, I hear would, as an unpublished element of its manifesto, stop anyone wearing green from entering the country or indeed any vehicles which are painted green or – anyone from Europe, Asia, Australasia, etc. It has a point when they say the more net immigration rises, the more energy we will consume.

The country, aside from eliminating fossil fuel generation to lower carbon emissions, would also go very dark without massive investment in the national distribution network.

Plaid Cymru & Scottish National Party

Plaid Cymru and the SNP should be allowed to do what they like in their respective republics – but on condition they totally fund their desires from taxing their own patch!

What is more worrying is that some of the parties just don’t have a policy on many key aspects of energy legislation. Some major parties didn’t – but now that they’ve spoken to Jamie Oliver, they’ve managed to sketch out some labored thoughts.

If only we could vote for a system which removed energy from political party control and punishing short-termism. Fat chance, can’t wait for the election to change everything again!

 

Mervyn Bowden is the Managing Director of Intuitive Energy Solutions Ltd.