Take a spin round my neck of the woods, or should I say the urban jungle that is north London and you’ll find the finest Turkish kebab in England if not outside of Turkey.
There’s constant temptation to tuck into the juicy, charcoal-cooked ribs, lamb shish kebabs and freshly baked flat breads.
It’s a dangerous situation for the waistline – which is why one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to abstain from takeaways.
For those of you familiar with my past promises (the Power Tour, anyone?) you might say it’s a foregone conclusion I’ll fail before even beginning.
So why don’t we celebrate the New Year in cynical style? Let’s toast a list of some resolutions our politicians and energy leaders have already crashed and burned in spectacular style…
Cheers number one must go to the PM David Cameron for the historic pledge to be the “greenest government ever”.
Each time the Tory leader trots out the phrase, it rings hollower – not least after he railed against wind farms in December, saying “enough is enough” for more wind. ELN’s Twitter followers rightly pointed out the hypocrisy of these comments when his government is putting money into school to teach young wind engineers. That’s not forgetting Eric Pickles’ obstructive attitude to wind either– as MP Alan Whitehead bemoans in his pre-Christmas blog.
Cast an eye over to the Opposition benches and you’ll find another resolution in the making. To replace the regulator Ofgem – if they sneak into power, of course. But is replacing Ofgem really a realistic endgame?
Surely it could amount to nothing more than a name change and a new address. No, in my opinion Offwatt is a loser from the starting gun. Cheers number two!
Big (Six) pledges
Next, lift your glasses for the Big Six suppliers – they’ve variously promised fairer, easier to read domestic energy bills and scrap rollovers (that nasty practice of bumping up business energy bills when a contract runs out, gah!).
Remember the Tariff Comparison Rate? Whoever thought that would make an energy bill easier to get to grips with was delusional, high on the fumes of a giant bonfire of bills. They’re no clearer at the end of 2014 than they were at the start and won’t be any better this time next year.
And rollovers? Once Ofgem decided not to ban them, some suppliers have been sneakily backtracking on their puffed-up, do-gooding pledges. So, Big Sixers – cheers number three!
Finally – and we could go on all day and nobody wants to be too dreary for that long – I will whip out my auctioneer’s mallet and brandish it in the direction of the Ministry of Magic. (That’s DECC. It’s a weird Harry Potter themed in-joke, don’t blame me…)
The one big open goal to get businesses to cut energy use? ESOS. The other gaping goal to help draughty British homes be more efficient? Insulation.
Energy audits under ESOS are mandatory but actually doing anything to cut energy use isn’t. And there’s no point wasting breath on the Green Deal’s faults, it’s been done.
Charge your glasses – and here’s to a 2015 of failures!